It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
