i need an iv and a liver transplant
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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