If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
