Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
