running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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