She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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