I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
