did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
