I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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