Someone shit on the floor
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
