i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
