I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
