is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
