wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My cat gives me a boner
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
