I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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