Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
