I just made out with a guy for $7.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
