i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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