Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm just crazy horny about you
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
