I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
