apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
