i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
