my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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