"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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