and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
