They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
