based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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