I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
