hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
