I want to walk on stilts...naked
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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