The maid of honor just puked.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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