its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
