you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
