I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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