He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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