lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
