my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I could fuck to npr.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
