so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
