do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
