Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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