hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
