we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
