is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
