it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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