You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
