i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
