you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
