I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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