Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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