i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
