i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
