Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
