im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
