Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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