he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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