Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So much rum. So many feels.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
