I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
