they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
