my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
where am i from again
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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