just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Randomize
