..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
