I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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