every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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