Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
it's great music for shaving your balls
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
