this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
