Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
