Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
