dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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