Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
