Your face is a jimmy john
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
