1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
