Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
