u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
