Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
