The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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