A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
love makes seman taste better
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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